Grandma, I feel it is beyond time I had a heart to heart talk with you. Mom had mentioned to me that you said you feel like I don’t care. That is kind of ironic because all this time I was feeling like you just don’t care. Maybe I should have confronted you a long time ago so that it never would have built up to this.
For a very long time now, I have been feeling like my relationship with you is one sided, and that really hurts my feelings. A year ago when you got home from Florida , I had to find out from Jodi that you were home. You never gave me a simple call just to say, “Hi we are back.” I’m always afraid to call your cell phone when you are on vacation because I know you worry about your minutes. I also started to realize that every time I got together with you guys, I was the one taking the initiative, and I became paranoid that maybe all that time before Chuck you just thought I was a clingy tag along. I reasoned that if you really wanted me around you would call or stop by. I feel like I have made an honest effort to include you in things. After I moved into my apartment I had that Spaghetti dinner with everyone, but after that you never did stop by my apartment any other times and visit. Last summer you were the first people we thought of when Chuck and I had extra tickets to the race to invite, we thought you would be really excited but you weren’t interested. I invited you to a candle party last summer and you weren’t interested. I invited you to our engagement party before we moved – Chuck’s family were the only family to show. I understand and respect that in that situation the bar is not your thing. But we planned it early enough you could have stopped by just to say hi or eat a bite. My boss and his wife even stopped by to congratulate us and I had a handful of friends show up that night who did just that and did not drink. The last few times when Chuck and I came over to visit you late last summer and early fall it felt like Grandpa was the one who was carrying the conversation and you really did not have anything to say. That is really hard for me not to take personal. I was especially hurt by you on Christmas. We gave you well advanced notice as to the compromise we were making so that BOTH of our families would be included for the holidays and everything would be fair. You knew we were spending most of Thanksgiving with you and most of Christmas with Chuck’s family. Yet I felt like when we got there that night you were nothing but angry. I did not feel welcome by you at all. You hardly said anything to me. When I brought up our wedding that night you changed the subject, immediately. You did not even thank me for the Christmas gift I got you. That really hurt.
I often feel mocked and belittled by you. Because I don’t think the way you think. I feel like you roll your eyes at me and think I’m just “So extravagant… etc.” I don’t expect you to approve of everything I do with my life, but what I would love more than anything, is your love and encouragement. Can you please just be happy for me?? I have worked very hard to get where I am at in my life right now and it has been a journey that has taken me several years of figuring out what I wanted and how to achieve it. This is one of the most exciting times in my life! You should be proud of me, and instead I feel like you are shunning me out. Did I do something wrong? You have asked absolutely NO questions about my engagement or wedding plans, nothing. I may be doing a small wedding, but I’m still a giddy girl just bursting to share the details. If you don’t ask, I assume it’s not important to you. You have said nothing about our new house, and you made it clear you thought we were ridiculous getting a pet cat and dog.
Finally, I am growing increasingly frustrated with Facebook. I don’t think it’s fair that you never contribute anything. In fact I feel like you are just spying on me through it. You never leave me comments on my status updates, a simple thumbs up – “You like this” in facebook terms would be sufficient. I would love to know what you have been up to in Florida, did you go to a beach, did you try a fun restaurant, did you barter at the flea markets?? But you never write any status update so I have nothing to comment to you on and I am still clueless as to what is going on with you. That makes facebook one sided and that defeats the purpose in facebook.
I don’t want to be petty. I am writing this letter in hopes that we can turn things around and bury all of these past frustrations far behind us. You are my Grandma, and I love you very much. I want you to know that you and Grandpa have an open invitation to come visit Chuck and I in our Wellman farmhouse at any given time. Just give us a call. We love company!! It also would mean a lot to me to see you both at my wedding. It is a gift to have you in my life. It was never my intention for you to feel left out. I will make more of an effort to visit you when we come to Cedar Rapids and to give you a call. I ask that you please accept that holidays are always going to be shared between Chuck’s family and ours. We are not playing favorites. I also ask that you accept that my life is going to continue growing and changing, I want you to be a part of it. Please give me a call when you are ready to talk. Love,
Kristen And this was Grandma’s reply… (My commentaries are highlighted, for this blog.) Kristen,
I found your note yesterday andit took me a while to digest it.I cant believe you said the petty things you said to me. I was angry, hurt and then angry again. You must have dug pretty deep to come up with such anote to your grandparents.(No that note was to GRANDMA, leave Grandpa out of it!!) I really thought we meant more to you than that. Guess not. To answer your note Kristen, when you moved back to c.r.we were thrilled.W e loved our getoghters at m.donalds in the mornings and getting to know you better.You know what Kristen? This relationship hurts me too.As far as calling you to let you know when we got home last year I really didnt realize we were suppose to let everyone know we were home. I have never never called people to say we were home. anyone that kept in touch while we were gone already knew that.And as far as you not wanting to call and use up our minutes, we have free evenings and weekends. (Nice of them to tell me that.) I(t would have been really nice to hear from you while we were gone.Really Kristen, I dont see you as a parinoid girl. (Then Grandma really doesn’t know me at all.) As far as not stopping by your apt.goeswhen Chuck moved in with you we felt you found a great guy who by the way we like very much and welcome him into our family.We dont plan on being clingy grandparents and assumed you wouldstop, call or come over when you wanted to see us.I guess we assumed wrong. (Bull shit!! Chuck and I made a point to stop over a handful of times last summer!!) sorry.I have always sent you cards such as when you moved into your first apt. birthdays and I thought a nice christmas. Thank you for calling us with extra race tickets and im sorry I wasnt excited enough but we really did appreciate you thinking of us and I said just that.
The candle party invite was by way of face book, you never really invited me. (Again, Bullshit!! I sent her a post card invite in the mail!) Was grandma dee there? (Grandma Dee is alergic to candles and perfume, she knows that!!!) As far as the engagement party went We assumed it was mostly your friends Another invite by face book. (very inappropriate) (NOT true, I sent them a personalized e-mail to their e-mail address AND called them.) The time you both came over to show us your ringI feel I was very thrilled for you and didnt realize
I wasnt talking . (What really happened is she looked at it and said, “Oh that’s nice. Did you see my new ring?”) I am really happy for you. You know Kristen,Its hard for me not to take things personal too.I know your life is changing andI appreciate that and I do UNDERSTAND.As far as christmas goes, grandpa and I have changed our plans many times to accomidate every one else and make it fair for all. we decided to have christmas day for our family day and if that doesnt work for you so be it. We are the old people now and it is our turn to be catered to a little. (Well I sure as hell won’t be catering to that attitude!) maybe chucks family could get together with you on christmas eve. (Excuse me!?? Is she really trying to change Chuck’s families plans to revolve around her!?? FUCK that!! Besides everyone works on Christmas Eve. Get with the real world, spoiled bitch!!) I most certianly did thank you for the candle vases and grandpa likewise on the popcorn. (Again, not true. Grandpa thanked me, yes but Grandma did NOT, otherwise I would not have been so hurt. And she said nothing about the steaks we got them.) Please dont keep trying to put a guilt trip on that one. We are happy for you Kristen, You have done well in your short years.As far as the wedding goes (another facebook invite). (NOT true. If Grandma took time to listen to me, I made it clear from the very begining that since we were doing a small wedding we were not sending out invitations because they are expensive. Also I have invited noone through facebook.) I really think close friends and family deserve a personal invite by mail or phone. We dont feel like we were really invited except by your mom and dad who asked us to stay with them. (Maybe because she changes the subject anytime I bring up the wedding.) Also I did not say anything about your cat. I think its great, you have always loved your cats. But I do think a 40 lb. house dog is a little much for people working all the time. (Fuck off!! FYI we just might end up getting a husky in the next year too!! Also our dog is more like 70 lbs and she loves me more than you do.) Sorry if I wasnt more into it. We would love to see your house sometime. When you had your mom and dad for supper when they left it would have been nice if you could have included your grandma dee and granpa and I. (Um, Mom and Dad wanted an escape from their parents!!)
I am sorry you feel the way that you do but things go both ways and my vibes from you are not good either. (Well I will stop sending any vibes at all then.) We love you kristen, but will not be put on a guilt trip that we dont deserve. (What’s this We bullshit?? Again this is about Grandma, NOT Grandpa.) Maybe you should sign off of facebook (Fuck you. I was on facebook first. I’ll just delete YOUR ass.) if you think it is only a you and me thing and I am SPYING on youI love reading comments from everyone and if you think all i have time for is spying on you think again.It must be a guilt trip on your end
Grandma
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Well if I had any doubts about winter time blahs, the past few weeks have broken routine. Valentine’s weekend was super cool. That Saturday Chuck and I went into CR for a surprise 80th birthday party for my Grandma Dee. (The Grandma I lived with.) I could not believe how many people and family members were there. It was very special for her. After spending the afternoon with family at Grandma’s party, we went to see a Monster Truck show. I’ve never seen one before, so it was something different to do in the middle of winter. Parts of it were kind of cheesy and they could have done a lot more outside, but I still enjoyed myself. Sunday was V-day, and we had a nice day with just the two of us. Chuck got me a really pretty necklace. It is rubys shaped into a heart. Fancy! 
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