July 17, 2010

• A Final Blog…

        Six years ago (Aug 2004) I was a naive, energetic 20 year old who started a blog on Xanga. How would I have ever imagined at that time everything that Xanga would walk me through? Wow what a journey it has been! Six years ago, I still lived in Missouri, I still lived with my parents, I drove a 1980 Buick Century, I only worked a part time job, I had no credit cards (Or credit at all for that matter) I still had Sylvia the family cat I grew up with, I had never taken a college course, I had never had a boyfriend, I had never even had a sip of alcohol or experimented with a single drug. I knew very little about life outside of the walls of my church. My greatest fear was spending my life alone.

    Everyone knows the rest of the story. I grew up. I experienced life. I struck out a few times. I kept picking myself back up (sometimes were more difficult than others.). I thought I knew what I wanted, only to turn around and reevaluate who I was and where I was going, this cycle repeated a few times. I made a handful of mistakes, and I redeemed myself a handful of times. Lessons learned have been my greatest treasures and strength. Countless friends and relationships have come and gone out of my life in that time. The ones I thought would never betray me have been the ones who in the end, wounded me the deepest. The ones I never thought would follow through have been the first ones at my side, thick and thin. Life has a sense of humor. The past six years were really an incredible time for me of self discovery, and most of all achievement. Figuring out what I wanted, and going after it full force… Watching my deepest dreams come true in full force!!
      I remember when I was younger (Around six years ago) I always felt so very anxious. I was anxious to catch a glimpse of my future. My life was so uncertain. I remember describing to people that I felt my life was a puzzle and I only had a few pieces of it put together, but I wanted to see what the full puzzle looked like. I get excited jitters today, knowing that some large pieces have connected for me in the past six years. I still don’t see the full picture, but I feel so much joy in the connecting pieces I have now. The love of my life, My husband Chuck, our life together, our dreams, our pets, our house, our laughter and jokes. I know these patterns will only continue and magnify as I mature and my life goes on.
       I am so very grateful that I have recorded the past six years of my life in VERY deep detail. Perhaps someday I shall print it all out, and when I have a daughter going through awkward times she can read it and relate and take comfort knowing she will get through it all. Xanga was my deepest friend for so very long, when I had noone else to listen. Life is different now. I have Chuck. I don’t need to rant or ramble or be witty, Chuck is there for me. My life is starting a new season. Priorities change after marriage and Xanga is quite low on the list. With this new season, I think now would be a good time for me to simply fade away from Xanga.
     At present we are having our internet canceled effective Monday, because we have decided it is one monthly bill that we don’t NEED. I may randomly still get on from time to time just to give an update, but I already know, those days are behind me…
      I’m so busy looking forward now, and pressing on in the day to day. Working hard to earn an honest dollar and pay off bills. Planning for babies. Realizing I really have no control at all, and everything will be ok at the end of everyday. Enjoying fun moments as they come and go. (Going to see David Allen Coe play next week for free. Planned a fall trip to a cabin at Lake Belvedere, etc etc.) Life is floating by fast and smoothly for me now. Embrace it.

  With Great Love to all… Thanks for the past 6 years, the childlike girl I was to the strong woman I have become. Cheers!~

  Myself, July 2002 (Just after graduating High school)

  

  Myself, Aug 2003

  

  Myself, September 2004

  

  November 2005

  

  May 2006

  

  May 2007

  

  July 2008

  

  July 2009 (2009 was hard to find pics of JUST me, because Chuck was beside me in all of them!)

  

  Myself, May 2010

  

  • 9:56 pm
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