So my weekend went incredibly too fast, but it was a good weekend.
     Saturday morning I worked. Saturday afternoon I met up with Jen and we ate a bite at Carlos. We have talked about it for a while, but we sporadically decided to go to a 'psychic' and have our fortune told...

      That was an experience. I had a 30 minute palm reading and fortune of the past, present and future. I'm not sure I really believe the stuff but I was more curious than anything. Just my luck... I got a crappy ass fortune.
     The lady started out by telling me "You are an old soul. You have been through this world many times over." I don't believe in reincarnation so in my mind I was sarcastically thinking "God some days I feel like it."
     She told me I have a very long life ahead of me, with good health. and I'm thinking, "Damn. I don't want a long life. What will I do with all that time on my hands?"
     She told me I am very stubborn, and there have been times in my life where my stubbornness has closed doors for me. (True.)
     She told me I am very independent, but I am not independent by choice. I am independent because I have had to learn how to be and how to take care of myself from a very early point. (True, but not many people are independent by choice if you think about it.)
     She told me I have a very deep and strong faith line that is a root in my life. (True, most days.)
     She told me my heritage has deep and strong roots as well. (True my family is LARGE and tighter than many families.)
     She told me she sees no moves for me in my future, that where I am living in Iowa is where I will stay.
     She told me my current career is very stable, that I have good favor and positioning there. She told me there will be changes coming to my job late Feb, early March, but I have nothing to worry about, my favor is high. She told me I am very career focused, but it is not by choice either. Only because I have to be.
     She told me I will never have to worry about finances.
     She asked, "I see you have a strong influence and role on a little girl in your life." I said, "No. I don't even know any little girls." She actually asked, "No daughter? No little sister?" (I think I would know if I had a daughter or sister. Duh!) Again I said, "No." Then she was like "Who do you live with?" And I said, "My Grandma." And she nodded and said yes that's it. (Sometimes Grandma acts 12. Does that count??) She said she sees I'm in a caretaking role and doing a good and strong job of it. She told me my Grandma has a long road ahead of her and it will not be easy. (what Grandma doesn't?)
     She said there was a special guy on my heart and asked was that true. I nodded. She told me Tom and I have a white energy relationship. (I guess that is good.) But she told me we will never make it past this spring because we both have too many issues of the past we can't get over. (Wouldn't surprise me.)
    Then, she became more blunt and my future slowly went down the toilet. She told me I have had a very sad and unfortunate love life. (Thanks for the news flash. Seriously, I have to pay someone to tell me my love life sucks?) She told me that my love life will always be crappy. (She worded it a little kinder.) She told me I have no soul mate for my life. (Who the hell believes in soul mates anyway? Love is a choice.) She told me for the rest of my life I will date and drift in and out of relationships without any kind of commitment or stability. (Great so I'm going to be a whore?) She told me I will never find true love. (Great I'm going to be a crazy old cat lady. Btw, I should invest in a good vibrator now if that's the case.)
    She asked, "You have been pregnant?" I was like "No!!" She said, "Well you will be pregnant sometime in the next 2 and a half years, but you will not carry the baby full term." And she said that is the ONLY pregnancy she sees for me in my life. That about broke my heart.
    She told me I have been in love 3 times. (I'm not sure. It could be true. I've lost count and pushed it from my memory. Every love is different I'm not really sure what counts.) She said each time those loves stole so much from me that I have absolutely nothing left. (Really?? I wouldn't give those assholes that much credit.)
     She went so far as to say that I have no identity left and I don't know who I am. (WTF??) That I'm a lost and empty soul. (No. The only thing empty is my wallet after I pay the bitch.)
     She told me that all my life I have had to struggle and work to achieve the events that come so normal in everyone elses life. (like high school graduation.) She told me that would never change. She told me it because I'm so far left field that I am completely out of balance with the 'universe' (The only thing out of balance in this universe is going to be her after I hit her across the room.)
    She told me I have to let go of the issues of my past because they have me stuck. (Sorry but the issues of my past are far behind me. I don't like to dwell on what was. I'm not stuck. I'm living in tomorrow and too far in that fantasy if anything.)
    She kept asking, "you have a lot of negativity in your life?" I'm like "No." (On a serious note I consider my life pretty darn good. I had some anger and depression issues a year ago when I worked for the Beast, also known as Wal-Mart, but I have healed and moved on. I'm happy. I'm achieving my goals and my life is quite stress free. I've had a damn good life. Many people would and should be jealous.) Then she was like, "I don't think you understand what I mean about negativity." and she explained it in different terms. Still I was like. "No not really." She insisted I was wrong and basically gave me no choice. So I'm like "Sure why not. Say what you want say. I have negativity in my life. Who doesn't have something going on." As soon as I said that she was happy. She told me if I can just get a grip on that negativity it will bring me back into alignment with the 'universe' and I may even have a chance for true love. She told me I'm not a loving person and that is why the 'universe' is not giving love back to me. (Screw men. I believe in God and that people reap what they sow, and I feel God blesses me beyond anything I have ever given or deserve (most days.) Just because I may not have a man in my future doesn't mean I don't receive unconditional love from my parents, and family and close friends. etc. Love is everywhere, bitch. And my friends have confirmed with me that I AM a VERY loving person. So there!)
    And then she stepped in with her sales pitch... She told me she would advise me to have 'Spiritual mentoring' classes with her to release that negativity energy. Hell no. She asked why, and I did not have the balls to tell her I thought she was full of crap, and I'm a cheap skate to boot, so instead I threw her words back in her face and told her "I'm very independent and stubborn and I feel this negativity is something I have a grip on on my own." (Nothing Captian Morgan can't cure... Hey, he could count as my true love. *winks*)
     I coughed up 45 bucks and got out of there fast.

     Now, I was always taught by the church "Never go to a psychic." I was taught it was the devils way of speaking to someone. I always thought they were exaggerating and it was all make believe. Now I know. They weren't kidding. I think all that crap really was the devil. The teachings of the Church (of God) had my best interests in mind all along. I'm going to write my own story and prove that chick wrong!... And from now on I will stick to the Chinese fortune cookies where you can simply add the words... 'In bed' to every fortune and have a happy ending.

     I baby-sat Saturday night and basically made enough money to pay off my stupid fortune.
     I wanted to go to church Sunday morning but I slept too late. I was exhausted. I needed the sleep. I ended up going out for breakfast with Kelsey and Angela. Good time.
    I kicked around the house the rest of the day. I baked a turkey and got a lot of cleaning done. Tom was sick all weekend so I brought him a bunch of the turkey I had made with chicken noodle soup, vitamin c drops and cold and flu medicine. He told me how it was the greatest turkey ever. And he told me that the psychic did not know anything, and everything great about me. That made me feel really good.
     Work as usual today.

      Friday night and I'm doing laundry. I seriously have not done laundry in a month. (Yes I have that many clothes, I'm almost embarrassed to admit.) I also took a nice hot bubble bath. My favorite. I just need to find time to do my nails. I have been keeping busy lately. I am working tomorrow and I am super HAPPY, because that will give me 6 hours of overtime on my paycheck next week. Woohoo!!
     I have been very focused in on work. The more I learn in my job the more comfortable I feel, and the more I love my job. My 90 days will be in on Dec 8th, and I am very proud because I am doing more than other people before their 90 days are up. The reason being is the beginning of October Shannon was in a car wreck, so I was temporarily given her accounts and sales reps to work with. As of this week she is officially not employed with us, since she never came back to work after the wreck because of medical reasons. (Supposedly.) That means I was officially given all of her accounts and reps this week. But I have actually been working them since the beginning of October, 30 days into my job. Her (My!) accounts are easy to work with and the sales reps that I work with are great people. I'm excited about the new responsibility. From what I am told, NOONE is given accounts or reps before their probation period is up. I also got moved to a new cubical that is two and a half times bigger than my old cubical. And I'm learning will call. My boss is great, he is very personable and is always asking how I'm doing and if I'm happy or liking the company. I have never had a company that cared so much. I got a birthday card in the mail yesterday that was handwritten (not just signed) by the president and owner of our company. I can't think of many companies that do that. I feel like I have finally found a job that is the perfect fit for me. I can really see myself being with this company for MANY years, and many people have been. I love that I do learn new things everyday and I can keep looking back and see progress being made. I feel challenged and motivated. I love the sense of accomplishment I feel at the end of everyday. I have even learned that the few coworkers I thought were sooo bitchy not so long ago, are not so bad. I made a point to be assertively kind to them, only to discover that their bark is worse than their bite, they can't hold their ground, and they are the ones who seem to shrink back and act intimidated if I simply hold my ground. (I know I have a twisted way of feeling good, trust me, it's a female thing.)
      Grandma is still having good and bad days. I'm very confused and concerned, because the rheumatologist is trying to figure out if she may have been misdiagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, and she may actually have Lyme disease. I have heard of that happening to people before. And the fact that it could be lyme disease that has remained untreated all these months really scares me, because the little bit that I know about it is that it can eat away at your heart and even mind. (That would greatly explain her recent extreme confusion, and her extreme crankiness.) If she does have lyme disease, how advanced is it, and how will they treat it? On top of that, I am frustrated because by the time I hear medical news on Grandma, it is being told from the 5th person and the story is so screwed up. Grandma gets really confused and won't say anything to anybody about what the doctors tell her (Paretically because she doesn't get what they are talking about.) so my aunt Janet has been going with her to the doctor appointments. By the time Janet passes it down the line of her 5 siblings and I hear it from my parents it is hard to separate fact from fiction. I was a little bit mad when I found out that Grandma may have Lyme disease, I was mad because I'm the one living with her, and I was the last person to know. The communication system in my family is simply messed up. Poor Grandma. She's a good lady, she doesn't deserve all this.
       I have been a bit desolate of my friends lately. I blame it on the winter settling in. Everyone is in hibernation mood and just wants to be under the blankets watching tv. That will wear off come January. I'm not too concerned. Tom has been faithfully and consistently by my side. There is such a night and day difference in him from when we were together last summer and now. I get it now. He wasn't ready for a relationship last summer. He is this time, and he wants that relationship to be with me. We talk on the phone for about 45 minutes every morning as we get ready for work and head off. On the nights when I don't get together with him we talk at least another hour after we get off work, and again before we go to sleep and often times in between. I like the changes I see in Tom. It should have been this way all along. Most of all I love spending time with him. I feel like just as my job is the right fit for me, right now at this moment in my life, Tom is the right fit for me. I don't know if he will be 5 years down the road, but right now he is just what I need. We need each other. We started an inside joke, somehow. W.W.K.D.? Yeah anyone remember the old WWJD? (What would Jesus Do?) bracelets? Well, What would Kristen Do? I tell him to think of that whenever he is out with his guy buddies who get him into trouble, and sometimes I text him with it. He said it actually helps him. I'm going to make him a WWKD? bracelet as a joke. I think it's cute.
     I'm still keep very busy as I am keeping my focus on moving into my own place SOON. I'm getting all my ducks in a row. Comparing apartments online and by word of mouth. I have even started cleaning through my stuff and finding a lot of crap to get rid of, and packing other brick a brack up. It's a good feeling. Even if I don't move out until Spring, it keeps my focus by not being totally at home with my belongings. I do worry about my Grandma after I move out. Little things like she forgets to turn the stove off, or has trouble opening things, forgets to lock the doors, leaves water running, etc, etc, etc. All of her kids have told me though that they think it is great I am living with her and stay as long as I want, but don't think twice when I am ready to move out, that things would work out.
     Last weekend my Aunt Sandy from Kansas City came to town and stayed. She brought my 18 year old cousin John with her. I haven't seen John since he was 13. John never speaks and is all gothic. I was not overly amused to have a creepy kid staying in my house for the weekend and a naggy Aunt. But over all it was a great weekend with my extended family.
     Sunday morning I went to church, alone. Everyone asks me about Tall Boy. I figured out that Tall Boy has been in the back helping out with Sunday school kids. Aww that's so charming. I still have never spoken to him. I was a Sunday school teacher when I lived in Missouri for 3 years. Maybe I should step up to the plate again? Yeah right. I need a lot of work on myself before I could ever been an example for anyone else. 
    This week whooshed by extremely fast. It seems to be a blur. I had a nasty cold thats been going around and that slowed me down a lot. As I look into next week I am super excited about Thanksgiving, but mostly because my parents will be in town for Thanksgiving. My birthday also falls on Thanksgiving day this year. Angie asked me if I was doing anything to celebrate and this year I am doing diddlly squat. It always falls at a crappy time of year when people are either out of town or with their families. I will be working half of next weekend as it is. This year I will be 25 and I don't feel like celebrating. I feel more somber about it, it is basically a reminder that my 20's are half way shot and I don't have shit to show for it. I have a lot to achieve in the next 5 years if I want to do anything with my 20's. Such a waste of life. It hasn't been by my choice, it has just happened that way. I feel I'm making the most of nothing.
    On a happy note Marlboro club mailed me a pair of silver dice for my birthday! I was super excited. They are really cool. Lol. Don't let Marlboro know that I actually smoke Camels Signature Frost blend.

     I last left off the day of the elections. I was very excited Tuesday night as I remained close to the TV and watched the votes come in from around the country. I was HAPPY Obama won!!
     Wed. my mood changed and I found myself very outraged. I could not believe the very unchristian reactions of the so called Christians on the election. I was about ready to write a blog and post it both on here and on myspace and rip some people a new asshole. The attitudes were so immature. I am a Republican, but I voted for Obama. That doesn't make me less of a republican, or a Christian. We should not be ridiculed for who we voted for. It's our American right. The attitudes I was seeing protraied, mostly along the Christian alumni I left behind in Missouri, was basically saying that we have lost God's favor because Obama won office. Excuse me?? How hypocritical!! Now I have (Obviously) forgotten much of what I learned in church, but I do remember learning that God is sovereign, and that he has a far greater plan and purpose for ALL things than what we could ever imagine. So my friends can accept that God is sovereign when a republican is in office, but not a democrat? Are they implying that everytime a democrat has been in office God has pulled His favor from America? That is BS! I don't think so. This is one nation under, GOD. I also remembering being taught to honor and obey ALL authority, because God commands us too, and also because one only ends up in an authoritative position by God's power. So what they forgot to teach me was that only met Republican authority? I could get a lot deeper and bitch about a lot more things, but I'm not in the mood to argue. If people want to be that narrow minded they are only hurting themselves. Bottom line, it made me VERY thankful to be living 350 miles away. Attitudes like that make me never want to step foot in a church again.
     Wed ended very good. Tom invited me over to have spaghetti with him and we watched some movies...etc. (*winks*)
     It seems my life is not complicated enough. Because Thursday, I decided to complicate it a little more. After barely talking to Steve in weeks, somehow I ended up at it his house in North Liberty Thursday night. His daughter was away visiting her mother so we had his house to ourselves. The only thing we really did all night was each other. I wasn't going to drive a half hour home in the middle of the night so I stayed with him in his arms all night.
      Friday I felt like crap. Tom calls me every morning before work to talk and tell me good morning and have a good day, etc. I lied to Tom and told him I missed his call because I over slept. I had to go to Wal-Mart before work to buy new clothes, that way it would not be obvious I was still in yesterdays clothes. So that was fun, buying a whole new outfit, new shoes and all. But I have never felt like a worse person. I'm a terrible, terrible person. I am SOO very sorry. What breaks my heart the most is both Tom and Steve ended their relationship with their ex because she cheated on them. And here I am, betraying their trust. Technically, I'm not in a relationship with either one of them, so whats the big deal? Technically, I'm still single. I'm not that kind of person. It makes myself sick to think about it. I messed up big time. I suck at this game of life.
      As if I wasn't beating myself up enough on Friday, I had the worst possible day at work. I wasn't doing anything wrong, but every call I was getting was an impossible customer who had some problem that suddenly became my problem. All I wanted to do was cry. That's been my worst day in 2 and a half months of working there, that is not so bad.
     I got home Friday night and I took a long, hot bubble bath and tried to wash my skankiness away. It wasn't that easy of a fix. I declined Angie's offer to go out, I simply needed some solitude. I sipped on Caption Coke and had a long nights sleep.
     Things always look better in the morning, and by Saturday I decided to get over it and move on. I spent a lot of time thinking about the holidays coming up, and I am so excited! My Aunt teased me for having Christmas music on my myspace so early but I told her last year I was REALLY depressed, and this year I am HAPPY so I am going to enjoy the holidays to the fullest extent this year. My Christmas shopping is over halfway done!
     Sat night Gina had a party at her place, and it was just what the doctor ordered. I made party potatoes (my specialty) and I had fun doing that. Angie picked me up. We all ate and drank a lot at the party, and played a bunch of card and party games. 5 beers later I was feeling footloose and fancy free. We all agreed that we need to start doing more parties and get togethers. We had a lot of them last winter and there were some very memorable times that went down, between our friends. I guess summer is just a busier time of year. Yet another reason why I so love and adore winter.
      Gina really inspired me, and thus I presented myself with my 2nd focus. I need my own space. I want to live on my own. It's been too long. My goal has been to hoard money away for another year to put on a down payment of a small house. That has it's pros and cons. It's pros are the housing market has never had lower interest rates, and any house I would buy would be future equity, I could also have the freedom to remodel and make any decorating changes.
     However, I'm going CRAZY with my Grandma and I'm starting to think of just renting something so that I can have my space NOW. Since all my bills are paid off I CAN afford it. If I rent I don't have to worry about mowing, raking, or shoveling. When something breaks I can just call the land lord instead of waiting on my brothers or someone who can fix it. I love my Grandma, but she drives me crazy. Sometimes when I am home I just sleep all the time or hide in my back bedroom because she has the tv so LOUD. The older she gets the more difficult she is to live with. She made jelly toast a few nights ago. Grandma has never been one to use a plate, or sit down and eat, but this time for whatever reasons, she decided to eat her jelly toast, jelly side down. She had jelly trailed all over the kitchen floor, into the living room carpet, on her rocker, on her shirt and all over her chin and hands. I was so grossed out. It did not clean up very well either and I hate grime. Now the floor is all grimy like some white trailer trash with kids spilling kool-aid everywhere. Sometimes I just don't have the paitentce to deal with Grandma. Sometimes i feel like I am supervising a 12 year old living with Grandma. I also want a cat. That's not asking too much out of life. So that has became a focus for me in the IMMEDIATE future. Something has to change soon. Maybe Feb. or March??
     Sunday morning I wanted to go to church, but I slept in until 9 instead. It felt great. I haven't slept that late since I was unemployed. lol. Sunday afternoon I hung out with Angie, and then Tom invited me over Sunday night after he was done working. We ordered a pizza and watched movies. After having the weekend to contemplate my situation, I realized I really love Tom. Why did it take me betraying him to realize that? I've barley heard from Steve since and really don't care. I know I should not even be with Tom because of all his issues, but I've been involved for the past 6 months. I'm really not intimidated at this point. I feel bad right now because I am isolating myself from people, not wanting to tell them about Tom. I'm not going to tell them why I was stood up on Halloween, and they can do the math eventually that I am back with Tom. (Btw, noone pressed charges against him so he doesn't have to go to court or anything.) whatever will be will be. Tom and I are together EVERY night that he is not working. The nights when I am riding solo I am bored and lonely. I deliver some Avon orders and usually go to bed super early because I'm so bored. All I know is that Tom makes me happier than anything else, Tom understands me deeper than anyone else, and nothing else matters when I am with him. I lose all track of time and worries. I honestly can't say I see myself with him forever, but for right now Tom is what I need in my life. People come and go, every thing has a season and a reason.
       Work is going awesome this week. My silver lining. I am learning will call, basically when people order product to be picked up directly from the warehouse. The person in will call makes sure everything is processed and invoiced and gets the product to the customers as they come to pick it up. It's easy the warehouse guys pick it for you and everything. I won't have to do it often. Just on an occasional Saturday and as a fill in. Also they are giving me a bigger cubical. I'm VERY excited. It was just being used as storage, so my boss said I could have it. I was very happy. My training period is getting close to being up, and I feel I am doing well. Yay! At last I got something right.

     My heart hurts.

     So when I was being sarcastic in yesterday's post and I said Tom could be in a ditch for all I knew... I wasn't far from the truth, however a ditch would have been a better place for him.
      I FINALLY heard from him late last night he called me up. Turns out he had just been released from jail yesterday. He met up with a few of his guy buddies Friday night, early into his night they were at a bar. One of his drunk buddies got into it with some guy they did not know. This stranger hit his friend twice and knocked him on the floor, he was going for more and Tom jumped in and hit the guy 5 times, in the face, quite hard. Tom was arrested for assault, and the guy was taken away in an ambulance. I asked Tom if he was drunk at that point and he said no he had only had one beer. The police made him blow and he read a 0.02 alcohol level. Nothing basically. Tom was crying when he told me and I had no idea what to say.
      He goes to court in two weeks. At a minimum he may just have to pay the guys medical bills. If the guy Tom hit decides to press charges, that guy will first be charged with drunk and disorderly conduct and public intox, before they even judge Tom. However, at a maximum, Tom could be looking at 7 years in prison.... When he was going through his break up with his ex he had came back one day to get some of his stuff, they got in a shouting match, and he was charged with 'Domestic Abuse' apparently verbal abuse is now considered domestic abuse by the court system. Or so I'm told... So since he has that in his background, this assault becomes a 2nd offense which makes the consequences much more grave.
     I told Tom I think he should get counseling, that I think he is emotionally imbalanced, and he could in addition use that in his defense at court. He refused believe he has an emotional imbalance. But I know Tom, I honestly think something is not right with him emotionally.
      I don't want to talk about it but Tom has a very dark past. He grew up in a crappy home, with bad situations surrounding him, he spent his junior year of high school in a juvenile detention center for reasons I don't want to talk about. He has his share of offenses on his adult record as well. Tom has always been very open and honest with me about his past. Nobody is perfect and I can accept that. I want to in my heart of hearts believe that people can and do change. But sometimes I really wonder, when they keep making the same mistakes over and over.
     Tom made a huge mistake. And there is no excuse. And nothing can be done to change his actions. I feel very sad for Tom. I'm sad because I know Tom on a level not many people will ever take the time to get to know him on, especially if he ends up in prison and will be judged for the rest of his life off that. Most of all I know deep down inside what a good person tom is, and how deeply he does care about things. I'm sad because I am helpless to do anything, and I know the reality that Tom has to face the consequences of his actions.
     I know Tom would NEVER harm me. But I also know a relationship for us will never again be an option. I don't need this in my life. I have too much going for me. However I'm not turning my back on Tom. I'm asking myself right now, if Tom ends up in prison, am I a good enough friend that I would take one hour out of my weekend on occasion to tell him hi?? And doing that for 7 years at max? 7 years from now I will be 32. I don't know the answers. I have often worried about Tom having suicidal tendencies. I can't imagine how I would feel if I turned my back and he harmed himself. I could never forgive myself. I can't imagine how scared, alone and depressed I would feel in a prison. I at least have a HUGE family and I know my family would be my backbone. Tom doesn't even have that. He has his mother and his sister and they never speak to each other.
     There are really no words at this point. Except I am so disappointed in the reality of humanity. I'm sad for Tom, one of my best friends. I know Tom doesn't deserve it, but I am saying a prayer that the courts will be VERY merciful to him and let him off easy. This breaks my heart. I don't even want to talk about it with my family or close friends, I'm sure there won't be many people I will tell. Because they will freak out, and I will have to listen to their biased opinions, etc, etc and it's really none of their business.

     So I'm confused, but it doesn't matter because I'm moving ahead...
     Last Sunday was awesome. The weather was so windy it was insane! Tom called me up that night and told me he had rented Iron Man and invited me over to watch it with him. It was a really good movie. At one point Tom actually told me 'I love You' he waited until he thought I had fallen asleep, but I caught it. There were snow flurries as I left his place that night and I LOVE the romance of fall and winter.
     Monday night Tom invited me over again. He had cooked lasagna and rented the new Adam Sandler movie Zohan or something. It was quite ridiculous but some parts were funny. Tom really spoiled me he made lasagna, garlic bread, and he had cake and mocha ice cream ready for dessert.
     Tuesday, Wed, and Thursday night Tom worked a second job but we talked on the phone.
     Friday was Halloween. Everything was all set up and ready and then... Tom had told me he was going to work for a few hours on Friday night, but we would get ahold of each other and meet up. I did not think that was any big deal, so I came up with ideas of things to do until we met up. I changed into my costume after work as the 'Naughty Maid.' Jeremy and Joni stopped over for a little bit to say hi to my Grandma. Jeremy was a priest and Joni was a nun. It was quite hilarious!
      I then headed over to Angie's for a little bit. She was having a quiet night at home but wanted to see my costume. I asked her to take a few pictures for me, and all of a sudden she had me doing all of these naughty poses for my costume. It was hilarious! We were laughing so hard! I have to repay her and take naughty pictures of her in an elf costume that she can send to her boyfriend Donnie in Iraq for Christmas. What us girls won't do for each other. lol.
      I still had not heard from Tom, so I headed over to the Westside bar because my Aunt Jodi and a bunch of family was there and they wanted to see me. They were all quite far gone when I got there, so I had a lot of catching up to do. I had several Captian Cokes and rounds of shots with them all. It was a blast! My cousin Jamie was there, and my step-cousin Brian I haven't seen in over 10 years. He treated me like royalty. The night went on and I heard NOTHING from Tom. Not even so much as a text message saying, "It won't work out tonight." I decided that was his loss, and I was going to have fun anyway. Jodi decided to send him drunk texts from her cell phone so he would not know the number and she kept randomly sending stuff like, "Dumb ass!" and that's all it said. I'm really glad I did not spend $20 dollars on an assortment of dark chocolate (his favorite) for him or anything like that. Now what the hell am I going to do with all of this chocolate? So I drank with my family all of Friday, I'm sure I had more fun with them anyway. I went home with them and crashed in the guest bedroom. Jodi and Bob live just down the block from my Grandpa and Grandma and I REALLY wanted to drunk trick or treat my Grandpa and Grandma, but they went on vacation to Tunica, MS to gamble. lol.
     Saturday morning Jodi made pancakes for all of us. I leisurely enjoyed hanging out there. I helped Jodi with some things on her Myspace and computer, and I helped her take pics of her self for her profile picture. Jodi triple pierced my ears, I have been wanting that done for awhile. The rest of the day I hung around my house. Got some cleaning done and enjoyed time to relax. Angela invited me to a kegger with her of a friend of her's but I really wasn't in the mood for a kegger, so I ordered a pizza and enjoyed a night inside and some peace and quiet.
     I sent Tom a text message twice yesterday that said, "Whats up? What happened with last night?" And I have heard NOTHING. He could be in a ditch for all I know. (Doubtful.) He could have at least said, "I changed my mind about every thing." "I worked too late" "I went out with the guys." etc. Whatever. And then he wonders why a relationship doesn't work for us. My Aunt said it best, "Dumb Ass!" I came to the conclusion that I am over Tom. No more second chances. I'm tired of the scene. No more finding guys in bars. No more dating co-workers. No more Internet hook ups. (By the way I have only talked to Steve once and he had NOTHING to say.) So what options does that leave me with?? A sexless life may be better than all these dumb ass games. Once again, that leaves Tall Boy as my only shot of hope and redemption.
      So... I went to church today with the goal to find the courage to talk to Tall Boy. Angie was going to come and help me strike up a conversation, anything besides "Did it hurt?... When you fell from Heaven?" Angie had too much fun at her Halloween kegger so I went solo. Much to my disappointment, Tall Boy wasn't there. Maybe he is a heathen like me and also had too much fun for Halloween?? lol. That would give me great comfort. Maybe next week? I was glad I went though, because the message was really good. Plain simple and too the point. About obeying God. One day at a time. Don't worry about next week or next year, if you do it one day at a time, one step at a time it will lead into the next thing and things will always go right. So that means I obeyed God by going to church today, if I do nothing else. And when Tom wants a booty call, I'm obeying God by avoiding that situation. And when my co-workers are bitches, I'm obeying God by killing them with kindness. God is a cool dude. Really, I don't often give him enough credit.
    I'm kind of bored this afternoon. Not sure what I am going to do? Maybe hang out with Angie? The time change is throwing me off too. It feels a lot later than it really is.

Here's my pictures from Halloween. I thought they were fun.

Jeremy and Joni

My Naughty Maid Costume.

My Cousins Jamie and Brian with me.

My FAVORITE Aunt Jodi, and I.

My Uncle Bob-O and I.

I think Jodi is soooo Pretty!!

Jodi loves the Eagles football team.

Rant #1
     My biggest annoyance at work.... Don't laugh, but the 10 key pad on the computer keyboard and the numbers on the phone pad are reversed. It's universal, on all keyboards and phones.
Like this... 

Keyboard 10 key punch pad
7     8     9
4     5     6
1     2     3
       0

And then on the Phones....
1     2     3
4     5     6
7     8     9
       0

Why?? What sort of IDIOT came up with that bright plan? Do you know how frustrating it is for me at work when I have just breezed through punching in several pages of item numbers on a data base, and then I switch to making customer phone calls and I start screwing up the phone number. ugh. I suppose since that is my biggest frustration, that means I have a damn good job. Yay!!! I seriously need to get rid of these O.C.D. quirks I seem to have.

Rant #2
     Sometimes I am hard on myself. I look at my life and I feel like I'm 25 and a complete failure or under achiever. My 20's are halfway over and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I have no college degree, I live with my Grandma, I have no significant other, I have no kids (thank God!) hell I don't even have a pet I can call my own, and I am just now establishing myself in a stable long term job.
      However.... I can't help but notice a handful of my co-workers. They are doing the same job as me, getting paid almost the same, except for the raises they have earned over the years, they are in their early 30's and are STILL paying off college debt. Plus they are worrying about if their childs daddy is going to pay for braces or if they will have to etc, etc.
      Maybe I actually DO have things to show. By me not going to college in this situation I'm already coming out ahead, because I don't have to worry about those debts. I have spent the last 5 years getting credit established and keeping my credit good, so that I can have a house (hopefully in a year) or whatever the hell I want for that matter. My car is FINALLY paid off, and that gains me an extra $200 a month, plus I won't have to worry about a new one for a few more years.
      I often think this same handful of co-workers of mine are the snobbiest people I have ever met. It seems they go out of their way to be unfriendly, closed off and cold. Then I realize they are just that insecure. I mean I would be too if I had a kid running around and a husband running around. I think I too would be bitter and probley hate people such as myself, doing their job with no college experience and living with Grandma hoarding money away for my own personal dreams. Life has a cruel sense of humor and is never just it seems.

Random Thought #3
     So every day on my way to work I drive under a viaduct. Right around the time our stock markets and economy were crashing someone put a "For Rent" sign right there under the bridge. At first I thought it was a mistake, and then it made me laugh everyday as I realized some smart ass was making a joke about our nations state of affairs. You know, a place under a bride - for rent. Does anyone else get the humor in that?? The sign remained there for a long time. Everyday it made me go 'Hmm...'

Last but not least, this was sent to me an e-mail and i thought it was sooooo funny!! Only because after 3 years of working for Wal-Mart I know the reality of how true it is.....

Have a great weekend every one. I can't wait!!

     Every now and then, there are moments in our lives that cause us to stop dead in our tracks, and reevaluate. That was my weekend, a reevaluation. Yesterday was a weird day.
      I started off with my scare of someone trying to break into the house. I talked to my Dad, and even though he is so many miles away and really couldn't do anything, I felt so much better and safer talking to him. He was concerned to hear that and said he will put in motion detection porch lights when he comes up for Thanksgiving weekend. Dad is my hero!!
      I went to get an early start on my day and rake the yard. My brother Byron had stolen the rake. I was so mad. I had to go and buy a new one. I enjoyed raking, it is peaceful and makes me think. it was a perfect fall day and the exercise was good. I'm sure it will need to be raked again in another week. lol.
       Tom randomly called me before he left for work. He said he wanted to ask me out for the night, so I said sure, that I would like that. Then, much to my surprise he proceeded to tell me that he was really sorry for everything he had put me through in the past. He told me he had realized how much he missed me, and he has absolutely nothing to offer me, but he doesn't want to be with out me. He told me I had always treated him with unconditional kindness even when things were crappy between us, and I broke through to him on an emotional level he had not let anyone touch. He told me the way I cared for him made him feel a sense of self worth he did not think he had anymore. He told me he had come to realize that for the first time in a long time, I am the first thing that has made him not want to work all the time to escape reality, that I am what makes reality worth facing. He told me he REALLY cares about me. It was the sweetest thing anyone has ever told me before. I almost cried. I told him I had been missing him too. We agreed that we really can't say if a relationship will ever really work out or be right for us, but we don't want to be without each other, so for now we just are with no titles and no worries and we can cross those bridges when we get there. We simply know we want each other in our lives.
         I spent my afternoon running errands and visiting a few people. My Aunt Janet dumped my little cousins Sue Ellen and Kimmie off for my Grandma to babysit, without even asking my Grandma if she wanted too. Grandma doesn't like kids, and neither do I. I'm mean, I selfishly hid in my room watching a movie instead of giving my little cousins attention. I really thought it was rude of my aunt though. The past several months Aunt Janet has been doing so many little things to get under my skin. Shes a case. Anyway, I ended up escaping and meeting up with Tom.
      Tom took me out for dinner and then we decided to rent a few movies and go back to his place to watch them. We watched Pet Cemetery, I had not seen that movie since I was a kid, and I remember it being the scariest movie I have ever seen, I watched it again for the first time since i was 8 and the movie STILL to this day scared the hell out of me! We also watched The Eye, because I had really been wanting to see it. It was really disappointing, it wasn't scary, mostly just suspenseful and the plot line was really slow and dragged out. I tried to convince Tom we should carve pumpkins, but he thought that was silly. I had so much FUN last night with Tom. I had forgotten how comfortable I am around him. I never have to make an effort to have fun or be witty, it just comes natural. I never have to worry about what to say or saying the right or wrong things around him, and we never seem to run out of things to talk about. We laughed quite hard last night as we recapped funny stories from the past couple months that the other had missed, and caught up with each other. And yeah, how 'bout that makeup sex? lol. It was a very good night. I can't wait for Halloween with him!
      This morning I slept in late. I wanted to go to church, but my Grandma needed a ride to her church instead. So I stayed home from church so I could drive Grandma. I had a lot I wanted to get done today, like get an oil change, but instead I simply did nothing around the house here. It has been a very cozy day. It is CRAZY windy, but I think it is great!
     So yes, my weekend was very unexpected. And I am very happy. Now it's Sunday night and time for me to start gearing up for a new weeks ahead. I have high hopes.

       It is 6:17 am, currently. Call me paranoid but I am 95% sure that at about 5:40 am I heard footsteps walk up the stairs of the front deck of my house, all the way to the front door open the screen door, loudly try to push open the front door, and walk away unsuccessful. I'm scared!! I haven't been able to fall back asleep since. I waited about 20 minuets until I was sure the boogie man was gone and I turned on a bunch of lights and started brewing some coffee. My bedroom is on the front of the house and the deck is right outside my window, I could hear it loud and clear. Yes I was sleeping very peacefully, but these were distinct sounds. I will ask my Grandma when she wakes up, but I don't think she was moving around the house at that time. Was it the same person who has been breaking into the cars? What would have happened if our front door wasn't locked?? First I thought it may have been my brother Byron who used to have a reputation for stumbling here drunk. But since Byron has his own house he doesn't do that anymore, and even my brother Byron would not just be getting home at 5:40 am. I don't think anyone was lost, because I heard them walk away when the door would not open. On the benefit of the doubt, maybe it was someone putting flyers in doors?? Maybe I will open the door and find an advertisement?? Ever since the floods this neighbor hood has turned into low income, white trash, and I'm sick of it!! Thank God I sleep with my cell phone charging beside me at all times, and my purse is never far from me when I sleep either. What do any of you think? What would you do?? I'm going to call my Dad!!!! He will at least make me feel better, and I know he will be awake. I need a man to protect me, or at least a dog.

    On the surface, it was just another uneventful week in my life. To dwell on the small details would be called, drama. Drama is my form of entertainment, so for those of you who are like me and find amusement in the small seemingly meaningless details, this is the break down of my week.
      Basically, I worked all week and everything was peachy keen.
      Monday night I met up with Jen at Buffalo Wild Wings, and I also ran into Christina there. Woohoo.
      Early in the week I got an invitation from none other than, Tom. He invited me to go out bar hopping with him on Halloween. After some careful thought, I accepted the invite. Halloween falls on a Friday this year, so you would think everyone would have tons of parties to go to, much to my surprise it seems noone is doing much of anything. I sure as hell am not going to sit on my ass for Halloween, I'm gonna have fun! I decided I'm going to dress up as a Naughty Maid, and I spent a lot of time this week gathering up what I would need for my costume. I'm super excited about it! Pics, coming soon. lol. Tom is going to dress up in Army combat attire, he said he is even going to take face paint and make his face camouflage. I'm nervous about going out with Tom, I'm not sure if I will hold my ground that we are on a 'friends only' basis. Basically, I haven't decided yet if I'm going home with him that night or not. I'm a freaking whore. What happened to me? I wouldn't have to be a whore if stupid men would just commit. Steve still keeps acting like he's so busy, so I'm giving up on him and keeping quite busy myself. Mikey randomly sent me all these sexual text messages a few nights ago. What?? I hardly hear from him and then that? Of course, Mikey never follows through on anything, so it was funny. The freaking tease. Men, seriously. So then 2 days after I had agreed to go out on Halloween with Tom, he calls me up and says he hates to ask but he REALLY needed to borrow 100 dollars until Friday. I can't help but question if that was the whole reason he asked me out for Halloween, because he knew he was going to need to borrow that money? Anyway, I loaned him the money and reasoned that I had promised Tom that he was still my friend, and that was something I would do for any of my friends. True, I was taking a chance I may not get paid back, but you never know until you try to trust someone. And faithful and true, Tom did pay me back today. He thanked me over and over, he had said earlier that he would take me to dinner tonight in addition to paying me back, but he ended up working two different jobs today. From the sounds of it, that is all he has been doing the past few months, working morning 'till night trying to get himself out of his financial hole, and also escaping reality. Poor guy. Glad it's not my problem.
     Yesterday morning when I went to get into my car for work, I realized it was broke into AGAIN. That's the 2nd time in a month! I have been locking it almost every night since it was broke into last, but when the weather gets colder I have trouble with my locks so it is easier to leave it unlocked. The one night I do, it was busted into again. That means some asshole is out there walking down the street every night checking for unlocked car doors. After it happened the 1st time I talked to the neighbors about it and their cars were broke into as well, except they had valuables like cash and a cd player that were stolen. Anyway, I'm sure it was the same crock, because my door was left the same as it was last time, open so that no one would wake up from hearing a car door slam, but looked like it was shut. My glove box was open and everything was dumped on the seat. My glove box was packed with hats gloves and insurance papers and all of that was still there. Once again they opened the center storage part between my two front seats, this time they stole my phone charger cord, and that made me laugh because it went to the OLD nokia cell phone I had in high school. If they find a phone that matches that cord, I would laugh, it's a dinosaur. Once again, my cd's were left completely untouched. They also took my steering wheel cover and chucked it in the street. Not that I cared, I was thinking about replacing it anyway, it was really old, faded and grimy feeling. yuck. I think they were simply pissed I had nothing valuable in my car, and they left yellow spit on the side of my windshield. Too bad I couldn't get a DNA sample off that. I was SOOOO mad!! I hope karma comes and bites this crock in the ass!! I wish I could booby trap my car. Better yet, I wish I still lived in Missouri where noone would care if I sat up all night on my front porch with a riffle. lol!!
       So my day started crappy yesterday, but it ended good. It ended great, because I bought myself a black leather jacket!! I have been wanting one for a long time, and I was thinking about getting one with my birthday money this year. However, JcPenny's was having a 50% off sale. That made my $250 jacket, a mere $125 dollars. I reasoned I would not find a leather jacket for much cheaper that that. I also reasoned that with my birthday falling on Thanksgiving day that is crappy time to try to find things like that, because you have to fight the crowds and everything is all picked over. Also the weather has gotten so cold, I can get a lot of use out of it in the next month before my birthday. So I bought myself an early birthday present. I called my Mom and told her about it and she was excited for me. Oh Happy Day.
     My day today was awesome. I worked on Sunday so I had today off work and I get a three day weekend. I got my hair cut this morning. While I was there I looked out the window and noticed 3 cop cars at the bank across from the beauty shop. I was joking around saying, "Yeah I bet the bank just got robbed. I don't think it's a coincidence 3 cop cars are there at the same time... Just saying." That got everyones attention and all the old ladies in the beauty shop started staring and talking. Soon the news stations were there reporting and one of the news reporters confirmed with us that it had been robbed. That was eventful. It seems like there have been a lot of bank robberies lately. It seems like this city has more and more crime, and it disgusts me. It's not the same city I grew up in 20 years ago. I have my opinions on the matter, but I'll keep my mouth shut for once.
     After that big event my Aunt Jodi and I went out for lunch together. It was a very rainy, cold and cozy day. All week has been that way really. I sooo love fall! I spent my afternoon running a lot of errands and enjoying browsing in a few stores. I even treated myself to Starbucks, it's been a long time. Tonight I am cozy and relaxing.
      The rest of this weekend feels shot already. I need to rake the yard, get my oil changed, deliver avon, visit my grandpa and grandma, and I want to go to church on Sunday morning. I'm missing seeing Tall Boy. He's my only hope left. lol.
      And there you have it, all in a short weeks work.